No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
