why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
