How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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