So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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