why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
