everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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