WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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