I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
