so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
