I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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