so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
