we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
