why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
