My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My bed smells like the plague
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