i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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