I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
