I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
