I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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