WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
