Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
