Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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