Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
