there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize