Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
