I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
