So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
and you fell through a lawn chair
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
