We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize