i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
