i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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