So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
