That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
