Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I can text with my tongue
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
