Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
