She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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