I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
