dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
