hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He has the fingertips of a God
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
