filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
