It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
