I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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