I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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