I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need a beard to bite.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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