Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
