There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize