i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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