This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if only i could text you this smell
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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