I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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