My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
