My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
