well I can't set my house on fire every night
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
