Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
