Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
