Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
