i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
NoShamevember. You game?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize