Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
