i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
