my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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