She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
