dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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