I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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