oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
two words: eviction party
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
