I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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