How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
