how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
