Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
