If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
