sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
