Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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