dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
