Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
