yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
