my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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