I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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