doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
