I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
