I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
